No Guts, No Glori (The Scout House)

Calvin's room; the boy is enjoying a nice glass of orange soda with a crazy straw, turns to the audience.]

Calvin: "Ah, Friday night. You survived another week of school. Now it's time to kick back, forget your troubles, and crack open a brand new video game." [gets out a copy of Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter and smells it.] "Love that new game smell." [Suddenly picks up another scent; one that worries him.] "Wait a minute." [sniffs again] "Is that...Oh no!"

[Soon, his sisters start picking up the scent as well.]

Onyx: "Sniff. Sniff."

Calvin: "Mom's expensive perfume. Which can only mean one thing." [checks the calendar and finds out what tonight is...] "Date night! Which can only mean one other thing!"

Rainbow Quartz: "Larimar's in charge! Do as she says! Bye!" [leaves]

Calvin: "NOOOOOOOOO! She gets a sick thrill from bossing us around! In this house, we call her the Queen of-"

Larimar: [from upstairs] "NO!" [unplugs Amethyst's amplifiers] "NO MUSIC!" [tosses Sapphire's mud pie in the trash] "NO MUD PIES!" [approaches Diamond who's talking on the phone] "NO-"

Diamond: "Way! That's totes cray cray!"

Larimar: [hangs up Diamond's call] "No phone calls." [takes away Calvin's game] "AND NO VIDEO GAMES!"

[Larimar dresses up in a military uniform and blows a whistle that summons her siblings and the pets to the front room.]

Larimar: "At ease!" [Everyone feels calmer now] "JUST KIDDING! NOBODY IS TO BE AT EASE IN MY PRESENCE!" [the others regain their forms] "As you know, Mom and Dad left me in charge. That means, you have to do as I say, whether you're tall, short, or covered in fur and can only understand the word "sit"."

[Bob, Coco, and Gerry sit down on command, but Wall tips over in his attempt and knocks Gerry hamster ball to the side.]

Larimar: [busts out a chart of tonight's schedule] "Now, here is our schedule for this evening. 6:00 to 7:00: Sitting on bed with arms folded. 7:00 to 7:30: Chow. 7:30 to 8:00: Thorough cleaning of mess hall. 8:00: Staring at wall until falling asleep. Everyone got that?"

Calvin, Diamond, Amethyst, Topaz, Ruby, Onyx, Rose Quartz, Emerald, and Lilac: "MA'AM, YES, MA'AM!"

Sapphire: "SIR, YES, SIR!"

[Lamirar glares at Sapphire for calling her "sir". Scribbles covers her mouth, aghast.]

Larimar: "DISMISSED!"

[Everyone rushes back upstairs while Gerry hops in his ball up each step.]

[Back in Larimar and Diamond's room, Lamirar is trying to paint her nails like in Sixteen 1/2 Magazine, but she doesn't seem to have gotten it down; suddenly, Amethyst's jam is back on, which Lamirar does not take well as it's going against her orders.]

Larimar: [sees Lilac playing] "Lilac? What are you-"

[Just then, there are some creaks and Larimar notices that the others are right behind her; they tackle her and she screams for help; just then, it's revealed that they tied her up to a chair.]

Larimar: [furious] "Hey! What is going on?"

Calvin: "Your power trip is over! We're taking back our Friday nights!"

Larimar: "Power trip?"

Calvin: "Just admit it. You get a sick thrill out of bossing us around."

[The other sisters concur.]

Larimar: "You think I enjoy this? Unfortunately, I'm the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble! It's not like any of you could do it."

Sapphire: "Yuh-huh. Calvin could."

Calvin: [surprised] "I could?"

Diamond, Amethyst, Topaz, Ruby, Onyx, Rose Quartz, Sapphire, Emerald, and Lilac: "WE'RE THINKIN' CALVIN! WE'RE THINKIN' CALVIN!"

[Calvin and Larimar are flabbergasted at this.]

Larimar: [condescendingly] "Calvin in charge? Ha! He couldn't Coco to the litter box."

[Coco is right next to his little box and suddenly goes right on the carpet.]

Calvin: "Oh yeah? Challenge accepted!" [takes the whistle] "Take her away!"

[the other sisters carry her to her room.]

Larimar: "You won't last five minutes!" [laughs maniacally] HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Calvin: [shuts the door] "Rose, guard this door. No one goes in, no one comes out."

[Rose Quartz nods in agreement and gets a golf club to guard the door while dressing up as a security guard.]

Calvin: "Say goodbye to the Queen of No..." [tosses whistle on the floor] "...and hello to the King of Yes!"

[The sisters cheer in victory; Amethyst is finally jamming out.]

Calvin: "Yes to music!" [cranks the tunes and puts a happy face on Sapphire's mud pie.] "Yes to mud!"

Diamond: [on the phone] "Seriously?"

Calvin: "Yes to phone calls! And yes to video games!" [turns his game on] SUPER MEGA BRAWLERS TURBO FIGHTER XXIV

Game announcer: "Round 1: Fight!"

[But just before Calvin can finally start playing, Diamond screams and Calvin pauses the game to see what's wrong; it turns out that Topaz is chasing Diamond around with a rubber spider.]

Calvin: "Uh...okay. Have fun. Just don't get too crazy."

[Just then, Amethyst's amps are at a really high volume.]

Calvin: "RAD SOUNDS! MAYBE NOT SO LOUD!" [turns it down a little which Amethyst doesn't understand.]

[Calvin tries to get back to his game, but there's a suddenly explosion and the smoke alarm goes off; Specs comes out of her room.]

Calvin: [concerned] "What was that?!"

Emerald: "It's science. You wouldn't understand." [just then, a tentacle grabs Emerald and drags her back in.] "AAH!" [the door closes.]

Calvin: "Just keep it on a leash!"

[Just before he can resume his game, he finds Lilac on top of a bookshelf throwing books on the floor and walking over to the edge of the shelf and starts climbing to save her.]

Calvin: "LILAC! STOP!"

[Lilac walks over the edge and Calvin catches her; at that moment, Sapphire casts a fishing rod right into the fish tank.]

Calvin: "Sapphire! You can't fish in there! Those are pets." [notices Lilac escaped and uses Sapphire's fishing rod to reel her back in.]

[Ruby comes in with a bucket of dirt and pours the dirt on the floor.]

Calvin: "Ruby! What are you doing?"

Ruby: "Can't ride a dirt bike without dirt."

Calvin: "Give me that bucket!"

[Suddenly, Calvin is in a crossfire of pizza slices and waffles tossed by Sapphire and Onyx who are having a food fight; he shields himself with a cookie sheet and the pizza and waffles plaster all over it and make a rather gorgeous painting which impresses him; Ruby is pouring water from the hose all over the carpet and then gets pegged by an incoming gourd; the hose then starts going wild; Diamond is on the phone while Topaz is still chasing her with her rubber spider.]

Diamond: "Hi, exterminator guy! Do you do spiders?" [sees the hose] "Ew! What about water snakes?"

[The hose squirts Topaz but she resumes chasing Diamond; Calvin trips over the telephone wire and lands in the mud and notices Onyx built a fort of diapers.]

Calvin: "Onyx! What are you doing with all those diapers?"

[Sapphire screams like a madman and fires a barrage of meatballs.]

Onyx: "Incoming." [gets down]

Calvin: [takes cover with her only for their fort wall to be damaged.] "Diaper wall breach!"

[Calvin fires a cupcake at them, but Onyx stops it by plugging up the hole with Lilac's butt; Lilac giggles.]

Amethyst: "FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK!!!" [sets her amps to "Super Max" and has fireworks all set up for a big finale.]

Calvin: "Amethyst!" [slow motion] "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

[Too late; Amethyst plays a chord and the noise blasts Calvin right into the wall which leaves a dent of unsightly residue; just then, Larimar's taunting words echo in his mind.]

Echo Larimar: "Calvin in charge? Ha! He couldn't Coco to the litter box."

[Coco is right next to his litter box, but goes on the fireplace instead.]

Calvin: [irked] "Oh, really, Coco?" [gets steamed up; unplugs Amethyst's amps] "No guitar playing..." [takes Sapphire's food] "...no food fights..." [stops Ruby from riding her bike in the house] "...no dirt bikes, and no science experiments!" [takes Emerald's beakers and tosses them, causing an explosion.]

[The others aren't too happy with Calvin suddenly changing his mind.]

Ruby: "Who do you think you are? Larimar?

[They all start laughing at him and go back to enjoying their Friday night.]

Calvin: "No. I'm not." [realizing] "Larimar!" [heads to Larimar's room only to be stopped by Rose Quartz.]

Rose Quartz: "Hey! No one goes in, no one comes out! Boss's orders!"

Calvin: "Those were my orders! Let me in!"

Rose Quartz: "I'm gonna need you to step back, sir."

Calvin: "Sorry about this, Rose." [charges at Rose Quartz with a war cry; Rose Quartz whacks him with the golf club and knocks him out.]

[Meanwhile, Larimar has somehow already broken free of her rope bindings and is filing her nails.]

Calvin: "Larimar! Larimar!" [climbs in through window.]

Larimar: "Ha! I knew you wouldn't last five minutes."

Calvin: [despondently] "It's only been five minutes?" [gets it together] "It's a mad house down there! You've got to help me!"

Larimar: "Nah. I'm thinkin' Calvin. You handle it."

Calvin: "I can't! You're the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble." [Amethyst's fireworks go off] "Or ashes."

Larimar: "And?"

Calvin: "I couldn't Coco to the litter box."

Larimar: "And?"

Calvin: "I'm sorry."

Larimar: "That's all I needed to hear." [puts on military shades] "Let's roll!"

[They open the door with Rose Quartz still standing guard.]

Calvin: "I don't know how to get past her. She's an animal."

[Larimar covers his mouth, holds up a pile of glitter, and blows it in Rose Quartz's direction.]

Rose Quartz: [giddily chases after the sparkly cloud] "GLITTER!!!"

Calvin: [impressed] "Glitter. Nice."

[They go downstairs where Calvin shows Larimar the chaos caused by their sisters' antics.]

Calvin: [scared] "See what I mean?!"

Larimar: "Observe." [busts out her whistle and blows it and gets their attention.] "MOM AND DAD ARE GONNA BE HOME IN 10 MINUTES!"

[The other sisters hurry and get to cleaning up the mess they made.]

Calvin: "Brilliant."

Larimar: "Yeah, you learn a few tricks as you get older." [hears her phone ringing and answers it] "Hello? Uh-huh. Sure. Okay. Bye." [hangs up]

Calvin: "Who was that?"

Larimar: "Mom and Dad. They're gonna be home in 10 minutes."

Calvin: [panicking] "WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!"

Larimar: "I got this. Amethyst A little clean up music?"

Amethyst: "You got it, sis!"

[Three colorful boxes, one red, one yellow, and one purple are shown with Amethyst preparing to start the montage; she is also colored in to match the boxes like in the show's opening.]

Amethyst: "1, 2, 3!"

[Larimar blows her whistle and everyone does what they can to clean the house; Sapphire puts the fish back in the tank, Emerald scrubs up the living room with a soap cannon and the help of her tentacle friend; Diamond and Topaz untangle the phone wire; Ruby uses the hose to clean the kitchen and then puts it outside; Coco is about to go on the carpet, but Larimar glares at him and he obeys to go in his litter box; Rose Quartz ties up some trash and Ruby yanks it up on her dirt bike; Calvin fishes out Lilac's diaper and puts it on her; they do the finish touches and carry everything else away as if the house was the same as it was when their parents left.]

Amethyst: "GOODNIGHT, THE SCOUT HOUSE!"

[The other sisters go back to their rooms after a crazy Friday night; their parents are approaching and just as it seems all is well, there's still a dent in the wall from Calvin's impact caused by Amethyst's power chord.]

Calvin: [gasps] "The wall!" [sees the painting from the food fight] "Larimar! Catch!" [tosses it to Larimar.]

[Larimar catches it and puts it right over the dent; their parents enter.]

Gary: "Wow! I can't believe the house is still standing!"

Calvin: "What'd you expect? Lamirar's in charge."

Rainbow Quartz: "So, what are you guys up to?"

Larimar: "Oh, we were just about to play a video game. You can't say "no" all the time."

Rainbow Quartz: "Oh, and look at this lovely piece of food art the kids made."

[All seems well and Larimar and Calvin begin to play some Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter XXIV. But...]

Gary: [screams] "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GOLF CLUB?!"

[Larimar and Calvin realize they forgot something and are gonna get it.]