April Fools Rules (The Scout House)

Calvin: [marks April 1st on his calendar; to the viewers.] "Tomorrow is April Fools' Day. Every year my sister Topaz creates a prank apocalypse and no one is spared! I present to you Topaz Scout's April Fools' Highlight Reel."

[He begins showing a montage of Topaz's April Fools' Day pranks on the Scout Family. First, the siblings are looking at their furniture, which is tacked upside down to the ceiling.]

Topaz: "I'd say this prank's a little over your head!" [laughs]

[Now they open the door to find the room full of chickens]

Topaz: "Seems to be your clucky day!" [laughs]

[Now the kids are looking at their house all wrapped up in wrapping paper.]

Topaz: [rips through a window] "I guess that's a wrap!" [laughs]

[Now the siblings are trapped in a humongous gelatin.]

Topaz: "Aww, look at the Scout Family gettin' jiggly with it!" [laughs]

[The video ends]

Calvin: "See what I mean? Nobody's safe from that evil pranking genius. But this year's gonna be different. Topaz is not gonna prank me! Because I've got an April Fool proof plan. [towards his door] You're not the only one who can make a pun, Topaz!" [opens his door to reveal Lilac wearing a watermelon helmet, Ruby putting on padding, Rose Quartz coating herself and Sapphire in bubble-wrap.]

Sapphire: "Bubble-wrap me next!"

Onyx: [enters with her head inside a gargoyle head.] "I need more armor."

Ruby: [as Emerald enters in army gear]"Where's my helmet!?"

Larimar: [talking on her smartphone]"Dale, we have to cancel all our plans in April." [Dale asks why]"Because Topaz might shave my eyebrows off again! And it takes a month for them to grow back."

Amethyst: [following Emerald] "C'mon Emerald! Let me hunker in your bunker!"

Emerald: "You should've been more prepared. We'd known this storm was coming for 364 days."

Amethyst: [dropping to her knees and begging] "PLEASE! GIVE ME SHELTER!" [Calvin walks by whistling when Rose Quartz dashes out in front of him.]

Rose Quartz: "Arms up, Calvin! Your turn for bubble-wrap.

Calvin: [puts his hand in front of Rose Quartz.] Not this year, Rose. I'm not getting pranked.

[Scout girls chatter]

Rose Quartz: It's never been done!

Ruby: Are you crazy?

Calvin: Ladies! Ladies! I got a plan! I'm simply gonna lock myself in my room till the day's over. I've got snacks, video games and a hose to pee in, which I call the Tinkle Tube. Patent pending.

Larimar, Diamond, Amethyst, Ruby, Onyx, Rose Quartz and Lilac: Ew!

Sapphire: Cool!

Calvin: [points to his window] It goes out the window! The point is, I'll never have to leave my room so Topaz will never get me.

[The siblings look frightened as Topaz comes upstairs while holding a sausage.]

Topaz: Ooh! It's Pranksmas Eve...and I'm just bubbling with excitement. [pops a piece of Rose Quartz's bubble wrap and walks away.]

Rose Quartz: I'm gonna need more bubble wrap! And a fresh pair of undies.

Calvin: Thanks for the lumber, Sapphire! I'll return it on April 2nd. [walks away with lumber.]

Sapphire: Mahogany was a good choice. That'll hold nicely.

[Calvin closes his door, uses the drill to seal the nails and Mahogany on it, then puts a chair by the doorknob.]

Calvin: [takes out his radio] Ferrell, wanna hang out tomorrow? I built us a fortress with snacks, games and a Tinkle Tube. Patent pending.

Ferrell: On Pranksgiving? No way! Not after what happened last year.

[Flashback to what happened during the past April Fool's Day where Ferrell steps on a rope as one of Topaz's prank traps. Water sprays on his face and he is covered in hay. Topaz's laughing can be heard. Then, a flock of sharks come to attack him as he screams. End flashback as Ferrell looks a little scared.]

Calvin: But nothing's gonna happen this year. I've got an April Foolproof plan. [ringtone sounds] Hang on Ferrell, Rosalina just texted me. [checks his phone] She said she's coming over tomorrow with a present for me. [gasps] She can't come over tomorrow! She'll get nailed by Topaz's pranks and then pulverize me!

Ferrell: Just tell her to come over another day.

Calvin: I can't do that! That will definitely get me pulverized!

Ferrell: You gotta get Topaz to call off Prankapalooza. Appeal to her humanity. Beg if you have to!

Calvin: Good idea! Just as soon as I get the Mahogany off the door!

[Calvin tries pulling it off and goes in Amethyst and Topaz's room, he arrives and Topaz turns around in a Jester chair to face Calvin while she has Coco on her lap.]

Calvin: Topaz! You gotta call off Prankageddon! Please! Rosalina is coming over tomorrow and I can't let her get pranked!

Topaz: Okay.

Calvin: Really! Wow that was easier than I...

Topaz: APRIL FOOLS PRACTICE! Calvin, you know the April Fools Rules. Anyone who sets foot on our property is fair game. Speaking of which, is Ferrell coming over? 'Cause I'd love to just say HAY!!! [laughs insanely]

[Calvin storms back to his room, puts the Mahogany back on his door and calls Ferrell.]

Calvin: Ferrell! Pleading with Topaz did not work! She's an animal! [hears a cat noise] What was that?

Ferrell: Oh, that's Cleo. She's been feisty lately so we put her in a timeout crate.

Calvin: Timeout crate. That's it! [runs away to brainstorm his idea and tries to pull the Mahogany off the door.] Why did I choose Mahogany?

[At the basement, Calvin flicks the lamp on.]

Calvin: [to his sisters who are not Topaz] Okay, we're all here? Good! So, about Topaz...

Rose Quartz: Shh! She's got ears everywhere! [turns on the washing machine] I saw this in a mob movie once. She won't hear us over the noise.

Calvin: We all know tomorrow is going to be awful. But it doesn't have to be. If we combine forces, we can prevent Topaz from setting up any pranks in the first place.

Ruby: Uhhh, how exactly are we gonna do that? Calvin: Let me tell you my plan.

Emerald: Better make it snappy. We're almost done with the spin cycle.

[Later that night in Amethyst and Topaz's room, Topaz is snoring. Amethyst then gets up and gives a bird-like call to signal that Topaz is asleep. Everyone then enters the room. Topaz then opens her eyes as her siblings tied her down, trapped her in a cage, and keeping her fingers together with Chinese finger traps.]

Topaz: [enraged] LET ME [starts screaming her words] OUT OF HERE!

Calvin: Okay.

Topaz:[surprised] Really? Wow! That was easier than I...

Calvin: APRIL FOOLS! We aren't letting you out until April 2nd! [The other sisters begin to cheer.]

Onyx: That was a crate plan, Calvin! [The siblings laugh during a rimshot.]

Larimar: I've been crating for this moment all my life! [The siblings laugh again.]

Sapphire: Well, better crate than never! [The siblings laugh again.]

Diamond: You're in a crate! [The other siblings don't seem to get it.] Get it?

Calvin: Maybe we should just go to bed.

[The next day, Amethyst is heard screaming. The cage is now broken, meaning that Topaz just escaped, much to the horror of everyone.]

Rose Quartz: [panicked] We're doomed! Topaz escaped, and now she's gonna be mad!

Calvin: How could this have happened?!

Amethyst: She's a black magic woman, dude!

Calvin: [holds up a loose chain] I gotta get my money back for these.

[As Calvin pulls the chain, it sets up a bucket full of honey that spills on him, followed by a blast of feathers while the sisters gasp in surprise.]

Emerald: Peace out. I'll be in my bunker. [dashes off]

Calvin: Everyone else to my room! We'll be safe there.

[As the siblings runs towards Calvin's room, their parents shows up by the stairs. Rainbow Quartz is wearing a padded gear while Gary is wearing bubble wrap.]

Gary: What's all this ruckus about?

Larimar: Topaz's on the loose! TAKE COVER!

Rainbow Quartz: But we thought you locked her up!

Gary: Plan B! RETREAT! RETREAT! [He and Rainbow Quartz run back downstairs.]

Calvin: [ringtone sounds as he checks his phone.] Oh no! Rosalina's on her way? Could this day get any worse? [He bangs his head on the wall. A rope on the wall is attached to the vacuum cleaner that's taped on the ceiling and its bag opens up to drop dust on Calvin.]Well, that's my answer. But on the plus side, that's one less prank Rosalina could suffer. [he gets an idea] That's it! If I set off all the pranks in the house, there won't be any left for her.

Ruby: Calvin! It's not safe out there!

Calvin: Save yourselves! I got a job to do. Onyx: Don't worry, Lincoln, I'll plan your funeral.

[The sisters close Calvin's bedroom door and puts Mahogany on it. Calvin puts on a helmet and takes out the house map and circles kitchen.]

Calvin: I'll start by de-pranking the kitchen. [Calvin goes downstairs and looks at a sign that says "Kitchen this way" while it points the open front door.]

Calvin: Kitchen this way? Ha! Does she think I'm dumb enough to fall for that?

[Calvin takes the original route and goes into the kitchen and finds grease on the floor.]

Calvin: Well, here goes nothing.

[Calvin cautiously walks on the grease trap causing a boot contraption to kick him into the fridge while a box falls on his head. As he gets up, he slips on the grease, opens the fridge door, and is socked right in the face by a boxing glove on a spring. The force of impact propels him into the stove.]

Calvin: "OW!"

[His helmet breaks apart, and a bunch of vicious raccoons pop out of the stove and attack Lincoln as he screams in pain.]

Topaz: [popping in from the other room.] "I made that dish from scratch!" [laughs]

[In the backyard, the Scout siblings' parents are at Emerald's shelter.]

Rose Quartz: [As Gary knocks on the shelter.] "Emerald Vivian Scout! Let us in!"

Emerald: "I'll need some of your assurances in return! One, I will never again be punished for the explosions in or around the house!"

Topaz: [with a pile of Lilac's stinky diapers.] "Happy April Stools!" [She prepares to aim one with a slingshot towards her parents.]

Rainbow Quartz: "Are those diapers? She wouldn't!" Gary [frantically pounds the shelter.] "Whatever you want! Just let us in!"

Emerald: [opens the shelter while holding a contract.] "Sign here, here and initials here." [After the parents sign their names, they hide while Topaz shoots diapers at them.]

Calvin: [looks at the map and finds a flying flour in the bathroom and screams.] Ha! [He catches it, but the flour has a timer to explode.] "Uh oh!" [The flour explodes and Lincoln starts coughing as he finds the sink to turn it on, but the water splashes him.]"Towel! Towel! Towel! Where's the towel?" [As he blindly searches for a towel, he finds a raccoon and uses it to wipe himself but after he opens his eyes, he finds out he has one and screams as he runs away from it.]

Topaz: "Don't give up, no one likes a critter!" [laughs]

Larimar: "I think if we ration the food, we should be okay."

Sapphire: "What does 'ration' mean?" [eats a bag of chips and drinks apple juice. The others glare at her as she realizes her mistake.]

Rose Quartz: [scoffs] "Typical! Now someone has to go into the kitchen for more supplies!"

[Larimar, Diamond, Amethyst, Ruby, and Onyx all talk at once]

Sapphire: [gasps] "Let's draw straws!"

Diamond: [sighs] "I'll just go. I know I'm gonna lose. I'm a terrible artist."

Onyx: "Actually, that's not what-"

Rose Quartz: [covers Lucy's mouth] "Good luck, Diamond!" [She and the other girls shove Diamond out of Calvin's room and put the Mahogany back on the door.]

Diamond: [makes it downstairs and finds a sign that says "Kitchen this way" and reads it.] "Kitchen this way? Oh. Thank you, sign!" [finds another sign that says the same thing.] Thank you, sign!" [finds another sign.] "Thank you, sign! Thank you, sign!"

[She keeps following them into the town to parts unknown.]

Calvin: [looks at map] "Okay. Living room. So far, so good."

[then a red line comes when Calvin crosses it and a projector is switched on, showing an embarrassing video of Calvin kissing a balloon with a face on it while Clyde is beside him.] Calvin: "I think this is how you kiss a girl." [kisses Edwin balloon]

Ferrell: "Don't hold back, Calvin. Girls like a guy with passion!"

[Calvin kisses the balloon and it pops. The video loops.]

Calvin: "I can't let Rosalina see this!" [goes on the couch] "Stop! Stop!" [He tries to stop the film, but the couch has a spring and Calvin goes up the ceiling and gets stuck by sticky flypapers. He falls down to the couch and goes back up.]

Topaz: "Looks like spring is in the air." [laughs]

Calvin: [looks at the map] "Just got to finish the bedrooms!" [the house's exterior is shown as Calvin gets attacked by Topaz's pranks. Afterwards, Calvin is tired, beat up and dirtied as he gets a call from Ferrell.]

Ferrell: "Calvin! What's happening? Onyx just invited me to your funeral!"

Calvin: [takes a mouse trap out of his eye and screams.] "OW!! I've been setting off all the pranks in the house so Rosalinda doesn't get hit." [Lifts his shoe as sand pours out.] "I've gone through every room except Leni and Larimar's." [Ferrell hangs up] "Ferrell? Hello?" [the doorbell rings as Calvin goes downstairs to open the door.]

Ferrell: "I volunteer to clear Larimar's room." [Ferrell goes to Larimar and Diamond's room offscreen as he gets attacked by Topaz's pranks.] "It was worth it. Larimar's room smells like apple cinnamon."

Calvin: "That might be this pie." [points to the pie on his head and sighs.] "Well, that's it. The Scout House is prank free!" [high-fives Ferrell as the latter walks away and faints. Rosalina arrives and is surprised when Ferrell faints, before looking annoyed.]

Topaz: [chuckles as Rosalina arrives] "I won! You thought you'd outsmart me, but you got the worst pranking ever!"

Calvin: "You didn't really win, Topaz. I only set off the pranks because Rosalina was coming over." [Rosalina looks rather touched at hearing him say this.]

Topaz: "Yeah! Well who do you think invited her over, genius?" [Rosalina's expression turns to a confused look.] "I knew I had to lure you out of your room, so I called Rosalina, and told her how much you love April Fools' Day. And here she is, to deliver the final blow."

[Calvin turns to Rosalina, who pulls out a pie, with a villainous-looking smile on her face. Calvin braces for impact, and a splat is heard... but he isn't hit.]

Calvin: "Huh?" [As Calvin opens his eyes, he finds out that she instead threw the pie in Topaz's face.] "But why'd you do that?"

Rosalina: "You took all those pranks for me. It's the least I could do. Come on, let's draw some eyebrows on you and go get a milkshake."

[The two leave the house.]

Topaz: "That girl's a keeper!"

[Soon afterwards, the family come out of their hidings and are relieved that the prankfest is over.]

Gary: "I think it's over!"

[The other eight sisters agreed.]

Rainbow Quartz: "Wait! Where's Diamond?"

Emerald: [looking at the "Kitchen this way" sign.] "I have my suspicions."

Gary: "Okay, everybody in the van. Let's find Diamond, and then afterwards, frozen yogurt to celebrate! Ha-ha!"

[Everyone cheers and hurries to Vanrina. But just as the van is about to start, the airbag explodes, splatting blue paint everywhere in the car.]

Everyone: [furious] "TOPAZ!"

Topaz: [to the viewers] "Aw, the end of April Fools always make me feel a little blue". [laughs] "Get it?